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June 29, 2006

Care-a-lot

No one would take me seriously if they knew the majority of my underwear had Care Bears on them.

Or the fact that I wear one of my pairs that feature Grumpy Bear solely on the days I wake up on the wrong side of the cloud.

Posted by Courtney at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)

June 26, 2006

Photojojo Oddica

I'm in love with photojojo!

or go view/join the photojojo flickr group!

Also by way of Amit Gupta's site I stumbled onto Oddica and am absolutely in love with OMG CUTEST TSHIRT EVER!

Posted by Courtney at 06:19 PM | Comments (0)

June 25, 2006

Girls have it so much easier than guys

If a girl is thrust into a new social situation all she has to do to be liked is wear a low cut shirt and giggle occasionally.

Apparently for guys you have to be loud, know everything and always have a story about whatever the topic of conversation in the group might be.

That has to get exhausting.

Posted by Courtney at 06:51 PM | Comments (3)

June 24, 2006

Yawn.

I woke up at 5am this morning, on purpose. I also spent all afternoon napping.

btw, I'm extremely proud of this, especially since I hiked out to the cliff all by myself last Tuesday in the heat in the middle of the day. Go to the "all sizes" and view the large one. Or just go to this if you want to see the picture and not flickr.

Also:
The road to where my grandma lived.

My favorite mile in the world.

The tree.

Flickr sets from my trip home:

::Sparrowhawk Primitive Area
::Pumpkin Hollow
::Hydraulics Rock Formation

Posted by Courtney at 05:22 PM

June 20, 2006

My Diet Has Met It's End

My Diet Has Met It's End, originally uploaded by attentionwhore.

I highly recommend the purple smiley face cookies from morgan's bakery in Tahlequah.

Posted by Courtney's Phone at 02:49 PM

Welcome to my therapy

Today felt slow and long. I spent most of the day crying, in a skirt and driving slowly.

I picked up breakfast for the family (Dad, Caitlan, StepMom, & Step Mikey) and sat around while they got ready in the house I grew up in. My old bedroom is now locked and I can't get inside of it. My step brother blatantly talks to me about his being gay and I wonder how my dad handles that. Another step brother shows up and I don't remember his name, Ricky maybe? My dad, always in the overworked jeans and grey tshirts well suited for his plumbing career walks out in khakis and a button up. That's how I know something real is about to happen.

I'm not sure where they got the 99 Cadillac they drove to the funeral home, but I remember seeing my Grandma Jewell drive by on her way and we all drove slowly together. Caitlan and I in my car together and alone. We parked; they smoked. I wish I had a vice that was calming and on autopilot to fall back on at times like these.

There was just a sheer curtain separating where we had gathered from the chapel where she was laid out. I had never done a funeral with a viewing before, so it didn't really register with me that the faint figure on the otherside of the curtain was my grandma, my flesh and blood. Also in my mind I hadn't expected all the people there. I stared at the floor and shivered in the cold while we waited for all the family to gather. We were evenly split, those of us who were visibly Cherokee and those of us who visibly unregistered our native blood.

They gathered the family and led us into the pews. My dad held LuAnn's hand as they walked in, and my step brothers followed next to them, then myself, my grandma Jewell then Caitlan. I know I briefly wondered why I couldn't sit closer to my dad. He was my dad, this was my grandma, and I'm stuck on the far end from him with these two strangers I have as step brothers in between us.

The casket had been closed at this time and there was singing in Cherokee. I wish I remembered the songs. There was a message, but I don't remember it. I sat and cried and stared at the picture of my grandma that sat next to the casket. That smile she always had. The big oversized owl glasses. The high waisted silky purple loose grandma dresses she always wore. The dark lipstick. The hair pulled back on the sides and parted unevenly just so, but always worn long. We're always so proud of our hair, straight, curly, dark or grey.

My dad was out of my view, but I could see his 3 brothers crying.

Never being to a funeral in this manner I was taken back at the end when they opened the casket again for everyone to file by and make their peace. I didn't want to see her, not from one pew back and not from one foot away, but even more than that I didn't want my sister to see it. Once it was just family it was our turn to walk up and I remember just stalling in the center aisle. I looked up and I just kept stepping back. That wasn't my grandma and that wasn't her hair.

My heart broke in two when my dad walked up to her. My words can do no justice to his pain. I remember grabbing his arm and walking to the side and then holding on to a side of a pew so hard my knuckles turned white, but just as quickly I was outside in my car again with my sister waiting for the trip to the cemetary. Again, just my sister and I following my dad and his (new) family. It bothered me so much more and strongly this time.

My grandma Rosie now rests in her home for many years, Pumpkin Hollow.

We drove slowly through town, and it was odd for me to see people pulling onto the side of the road for the funeral procession. I started crying again as I drove everytime I saw someone going so far as to pull their hat off for us, which actually happened numerous times. We drove forever towards Pumpkin Hollow and down much farther into it than I remember driving before.

I couldn't throw dirt on my grandma's casket, and neither could my sister or my dad. Just as quickly as we had gotten to the cemetary, the casket was in the ground and everything was closed. Oddly I stopped crying the minute the cement casing was out of my site. Out of sight, out of mind.

My family was all going to spend the afternoon together, and I would have loved to have joined but I had to get Caitlan back in town to pay a ticket. She wouldn't have wanted to go anyways. One of these days she'll understand the importance of just setting yourself aside and just being there for the sake of being. I still don't completely understand it, but I'm learning it and so will she. We can handle a lot more than we think we can, there's just no knowing until you do it.

The trees along the road where full and hanging over the road. I want to go park out at Todd's Access and get some pictures of them since now, without grandma, I don't know when I'll find myself out there ever again.

Posted by Courtney at 03:36 AM | Comments (0)

June 17, 2006

Rosetta.

Thursday evening, after a surgery and roughly 2 hours after being diagnosed with colon cancer my father's mother, my grandma Rosie, died.

I'm not sure what else to say at this point. Like your typical grandma she always loving and caring and attempting to feed us at every turn. While I did not see her often, and saw her even less since moving from Tahlequah, I loved and adored this woman. Afterall, I ended up with her stature, her giggle and her way of making lumpy mashed potatoes.

I was in Tahlequah at the beginning of May to see a couple of my friends graduate, and even though she had just gotten out of the hospital I selfishly blew off my dad when he asked if I wanted to go see her for a chance to go spend time with my friends. We all end up with regrets over the ones we love.

I really feel that I lost more than my Ulisi, but that my only real connection to the Cherokee culture is gone too. One of my proudest moments to this day is when I gave her a dreamcatcher I had made for Christmas some 12 to 14 years ago. It had hung on her wall ever since.

I loved every little thing about this woman. I've cried many times since Thursday night and I'm sure I'm due a few more, but I really have no idea what else to say.

I'm leaving for Tahlequah today and most likely will not return until Thursday.

Since there is no way to say goodbye, do-da-da-go-hv-i.

Posted by Courtney at 01:32 PM

June 15, 2006

Time.

We're all insanely selfish people.

And I'm one of the worst.

Posted by Courtney at 08:35 PM | Comments (2)

June 14, 2006

Project: Stereo 7/22/2006

enemyaj: so
enemyaj: july 22nd is going to be way awesome
digitalblarjuice: and why is that?
enemyaj: for those who live in or around fayetteville arkansas
enemyaj: not only will I be there, but so will kolby (flatlinerz reunion)
enemyaj: also, chaz, svs, all the fayettevillians,
enemyaj: and howie from tulsa
digitalblarjuice: damn.
enemyaj: and hidden & eye-d from holland
enemyaj: it is going to be the jam
digitalblarjuice: howie is old school
enemyaj: outdoor party also
digitalblarjuice: and i run over to the luv board!
enemyaj: so if you are in oklahoma round then, you should be there. or else

Posted by Courtney at 07:19 PM | Comments (0)

June 13, 2006

More Music Blar

Seriously, is this turning into the Courtney Listens to 96.5 The Buzz site or what?

Slimfast played Agenda Suicide at 5:30 today! The Faint! During a time when tons of people are in their cars listening! That makes Courtneys very happy.

Another thing that makes Courtneys happy is having the 5-6pm slot Friday night on 96.5 when my top 10 song list is played. I get to call and talk to Jason tomorrow and take care of my side of it so it won't be live like when I did 90s@Noon back in December.

So Friday afternoon from 5 to 6pm listen to 96.5 to hear little snippets of Courtney and a whole lot of great 90s rock, and actually go ahead and tune it at 4 to hear the MyList weekend kick off with my good friend and favorite munchie maven Chronic's top 10 list.

If you want to go above and beyond the call of duty, go ahead and show up at Freeloader Friday at Fuel and hang out with the ASS crew and Chronic who is going to be doing his snippets live with Slimfast and Suzi during his hour.

I wonder what he'll play at 4:20? Hmm!

Very big thanks to the amigo above all amigos, Jason from 96.5 for spending all of the time he could be out back smoking programming the playlists instead.

And if you want to go add your own, go add it on their site.

Posted by Courtney at 08:36 PM | Comments (0)

June 11, 2006

Sunday Review.

Zach the waiter at Dave & Buster's is about 100 kinds of awesome.

Their skeeball setup fucks up, a lot.

There's an older guy who works at Hot Topic at Village West. He picked up what was basically a silky black slip and told me I would look great in it. I turned around and was looking at bras when he came around the right side of me and squeezed his hand on one of the bra cups right in front of me like he was grabbing a boob. It completely freaked me out. He did it just as Keaton was walking up to me too, so he ran.

Cars is cute and funny but too long for me. Owen Wilson is too laid back to be a race car. It's definitely just Doc Hollywood with amazing animation. If you go see it, you're in for a treat during the end credits.

Now I'm sitting here listening to the Fort Minor cd for the first time. Mike Shinoda just said "fuck em" and I wasn't expecting to hear it. I'm so used to Linkin Park being clean on their releases that it was unusual. It's not phenomenal, but it's decent. I'm bouncing in my seat which is a good sign.

Posted by Courtney at 09:52 PM | Comments (0)

June 10, 2006

Same story...

80751574149, originally uploaded by attentionwhore.

I made this one day last year and sent it via PictureMail to The Nieda when he was out of town in Chicago for Lollapalooza.

Now almost a year later, with him around the world in Europe I think it needs a revist.

Fucker.

Alas, maybe an hour and a half of cardio was a little much today?

I think tonight I'm just gonna hang here and watch tv with Keaton because I'm not sure my legs will function after 30 mins jogging on a treadmill and then an hour on an elliptical. When I lived in Tulsa it was nothing for me to go do that 3 times a week and I miss it. I miss it enough to actually do it. But my god do I turn pink when I work out.

Posted by Courtney's Phone at 07:30 PM | Comments (0)

June 08, 2006

gooooooogle

I am the #1 site for attention whore on google.

I am the #18 site for whore on google.

I am also #61 for Courtney on google. Not bad considering all the Courtney Love propoganda out there. 61 also puts me at the top of page 7.

Not bad if you ask me. Now if only I had something worth reading to say once in awhile.

Posted by Courtney at 11:52 PM | Comments (1)

The end of the beginning.

Lazlo's last show is running on 96.5 right now.

I called in and got through, but I just couldn't think of anything to say. I had already expressed on COL and last Friday at Freeloader Friday how I felt. And at this point I just wasn't sure what to say.

And then Kill by 30 Seconds to Mars played and now I'm crying like a little bitch.

I'm starting my 3rd year here in KC, and I honestly don't think I would have survived without the knowledge I gained from the COL, the experiences I've had and the many friends I've made.

Shit. Now Slimfast's crying. This is hell.

Edit::: Here's all the songs that have played on 96.5 from 3pm to 7pm during his final show:

Weezer - Perfect Situation
Foo Fighters - Hero
NOFX - Leaving Jesusland
Fugazi - Waiting Room
Rise Against - Swing Life Away
The Cure - The End of the World
The Raconteurs - Steady As She Goes
Green Day - Good Riddance
Dashboard Confessional - Vindicated
Oasis - Live Forever
Straylight Run - Existenialism on Prom Night
Morrissey - You Have Killed Me
Blink-182 - Adam's Song
Sublime - Let's Go Get Stoned
Sublime - Badfish
Sublime - Doin' Time
Snow Patrol - Chocolate
Hard Fi - Hard to Beat
Death Cab for Cutie - Crooked Teeth
Gratitude - Drive Away
Foo Fighters - DOA
Blind Melon - No Rain
Panic! At the Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Green Day - When I Come Around
Pearl Jam - Elderly Woman Behind the Counter In A Small Town
Pete Yorn - Come Back Home
She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart
The Dresden Dolls - Sing
Elvis Costello & The Attractions - Radio Radio
Radiohead - Creep
Nine Inch Nails - Everyday is Exactly The Same
Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There
Angels & Airwaves - The Adventure
Incubus - Wish You Were Here
The Replacements - Can't Hardly Wait
30 Seconds to Mars - The Kill
The Cure - Boys Don't Cry
Sid Vicious - My Way
The Sundays - Here's Where the Story Ends

Posted by Courtney at 06:35 PM | Comments (0)

June 07, 2006

Back in the day.

picofapic, originally uploaded by attentionwhore.

Dear Fresh Jive tshirt and pink Saucony's,

I miss you.

Love,

Courtney

Posted by Courtney's Phone at 10:02 PM

June 06, 2006

Spots.

I look like a giraffe. Go allergic reaction to doxycycline!

I also need a new doctor because mine's a quick turnaround asshole.

Due to the sickness and all the random medication I probably shouldn't have gone to the gym, but seeing how much I weighed again today I felt that I had to. Now I feel like blehhhh.

The funny thing is, there's no point in trying. I'm not doing any of this for me, so the end result is bound to be failure. At least it's an area I'm comfortable with by now, and the fall will be a little softer if I have a fat ass on which to land (I'm kidding about that whole line by the way!). I'm trying to use one of the main causes of the problem also as it's solution, and that is only going to cause hysteria. I've spent a year and a half not feeling good enough and withdrawing into that to only make it worse. Now, it seems that trying to be good enough is my driving force. What I'm trying to be good enough for isn't even there though.

Ever wonder if it's all for you?

I'm going to go snuggle with Keaton and make another attempt at getting up super early. Today's attempt failed horribly when I forgot to change the alarms before I passed out on Bendryl. Don't worry about the continue reading part; it's just song lyrics.

Can't stop addicted to the shin dig
Chop Top it says I'm gonna win big
Choose not a life of limitation
Distant cousin to the reservation
Defunk the pistol that you pay for
This punk the feeling that you stay for
In time I want to be your best friend
Eastside love is living on the westend
Knocked out but boy you better come to
Don't die you know the truth is some do
Go write your message on the pavement
Burn so bright I wonder what the wave meant
White heat is screaming in the jungle
Complete the motion if you stumble
Go ask the dust for any answers
Come back strong with fifty belly dancers

The world I love
The tears I've dropped
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Ever wonder if it's all for you
The world I love
The trains I hopped
To be part of
The wave can't stop
Come and tell me when it's time to

Sweetheart is bleeding in the snowcone
So smart she's leading me to ozone
Music the great communicator
Use two sticks to make it in the nature
I'll get you into penetration
The gender of a generation
The birth of every other nation
Worth your weight the gold of meditation
This chapter's gonna to be a close one
Smoke rings I know your gonna to blow one
All on a spaceship persevering
Use my hands for everything but steering
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
Mop tops are happy when they feed you
J. Butterfly is in the treetop
Birds that blow the meaning into bebop

Wait a minute I'm passing out
Win or lose just like you
Far more shocking
Than anything i ever knew
How about you
Ten more reasons
Why i need somebody new just like you
Far more shocking than anything I ever knew
Right on cue

Can't stop addicted to the shin dig
Chop Top it says im gonna win big
Choose not a life of imitation
Distant cousin to the reservation
Defunk the pistol that you pay for
This punk the feeling that you stay for
In time I want to be your best friend
Eastside love is living on the westend
Knocked out but boy you better come to
Don't die you know the truth is some do
Go write your message on the pavement
Burn so bright I wonder what the wave meant

Kick start the golden generator
Sweet talk but don't intimidate her
Can't stop the gods from engineering
Feel no need for any interfering
Your image in the dictionary
This life is more than ordinary
Can I get two maybe even three of these
Comin' from a space to teach you of the Pleiades
Can't stop the spirits when they need you
This life is more than just a read through

Posted by Courtney at 10:58 PM | Comments (0)

June 04, 2006

Jump Off!

Speaking of one Jason Preu, go check out his article for the great local KC site Patchchord over The Jump Off, 96.5's Sunday night alternative hip hop show done by Slimfast and Mac Lethal.

Doling Out The Dope: The Jump-Off Brings Alt-Rap To The KC Masses

Also, check out the show on air tonight from 9 to 10pm. It's probably my favorite hour of corporate radio out there.

Posted by Courtney at 04:20 PM | Comments (1)

June 02, 2006

Freeloader.

Tonight's Freeloader Friday was awesome. The whole gang was there and there was tons of laughs and drinks and plenty of hugs.

I finalized plans to see MSI with Luke, gave Raysa plenty of kisses on the cheek and got some prime Bucho action. Chatted with Chronic for a bit and finally got a chance to talk to some people I hadn't had a chance to meet in person but whom I was extremely familiar with from the boards. Oh, and I got to call Gorgeous Sarah (aka Mrs. Jason Preu) fat.

It was like any other freeloader friday with Lazlo wandering about from group to group and a hug when we decided to leave. Somewhere right about 6:05 it dawned on me that I had a lot more friends than I thought I did. I'm very thankful.

I just didn't expect him to say he'd miss me and thank me. I tend to forget that the creator of a community can take away just as much as he gives out. He was honestly appreciative for each and every one of us. I don't care what anyone else thinks; he's good people. Seattle is one lucky place.

Posted by Courtney at 09:13 PM | Comments (0)

June 01, 2006

sad sad sad

I can't express how sad I am over Lazlo leaving KC for Seattle.

It's been one of those disgusted, being forced to eat dinner and laying around listening to Radiohead in brooding sadness nights.

He is such an awesome guy who has been extraordinarily kind, open, and above all passionate about the career he has, the music that drives it and the people that he can connect with that truly care about music too.

He has done so much in the last 2 years to bring broader views of music into my life. I have been opened to so much great music I would have never known without him. I have been taught so much about great music.

He is also the most accessible radio personality I have ever seen, and is extremely accomodating to those of us who were his "regulars."

When I moved here and knew nothing about the area or anyone in it, he played a major role in the friendships forged and the knowledge gained.

And I can never say anything bad about a man who would call Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns the greatest grunge song of all time.

Thanks.

Posted by Courtney at 10:42 PM | Comments (0)