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June 30, 2005

I miss Dana :(

So...I googled his name. Since his dad was once upon a time in Jason Boland & the Stragglers I got a few hits on daddy, and a few choice picks on Jr.

Dana Hazzard, the early html years.

Check those awesome backgrounds...and the mp3 list...Backstreet Boys? heh.

Dana. I hope you're having fun in California. Come back soon.

Posted by Courtney at 06:07 PM | Comments (1)

June 29, 2005

Crystalline Green

If you happen to see me dancing in my car, I can guarantee it's because of the song Crystalline Green by Goldfrapp.

I love this cd. I've had it for over a year now and it just gets better by the day.

Here we come
Driving down
Deep and wide
Settle down
On the beach
Get the sun
Coming Down
Wet and warm

I wanna waste is playing
Spend all our day in a dream
Crystalline green watch it rolling
Feeling the weight
Of the sun

Here we come
Driving down
Deep and wide
Blue and green
Breathing in
Come alive, here we come
With the stars

Letting slip it through my fingers
Little rings float in your eyes
Try to forget who you are now
Stare into space
Watch the sky

Posted by Courtney at 01:21 PM | Comments (0)

June 28, 2005

:/

Thunderbirds are Now was tonight :( Ah well. I needed to stay in and sleep, and you know why? Because I think I'm going crazy.

I'm pretty sure it's just the amount of work I'm doing vs the amount of sleeping I'm doing that's causing it, but my mind has been pretty screwy lately.

It all started a couple Sundays ago when I went to work and couldn't remember if I locked my car in the mall parking lot. Who forgets to lock their car in a mall parking lot? I can't recall having ever forgotten to lock my car. And now it seems everytime I get out of my car, 10 feet away I can't remember if I locked it, even after hearing the cute little *be-i'mlocked-ep*. Today, once I sat in my car to go back to work, I couldn't remember if I had locked my front door.

I can't remember little things right now. And asking me what I've just done is going to get you a blank stare. It annoys me to feel this out of control. I've also noticed my vision has diminished a lot more really quickly.

It is just me needing more rest and probably more than one meal a day, right?

Posted by Courtney at 10:01 PM | Comments (2)

June 27, 2005

365.

A year ago today, I was sitting on my bed, throwing clothes in random bags and luggage listening to Keaton go on about how I need to hurry and leave so I can get to Kansas City at a decent time.

We loaded up his truck with our things that he was taking to his parents, and I followed him as far as 81st, where I had to turn to get to an ATM. The minute he kept going through the light I started crying. I don't think I stopped until I hit Joplin.

Seriously, what the fuck was I thinking?

Now a year later, the people I considered my close friends before I moved, are the ones that I never see or talk with. The ones I barely knew before are now the people I consider my good friends, especially Jason. If for nothing else, getting to hang out with him every week or so has made being here worth it, even if I've been a challenge at times.

I feel a lot of sadness over my relationships with certain people, and embarassment over others. Some friendships were better resolved as nothing, and some I desperately wish I had the courage to just ask them what they were doing and if they had a little time. But 365 days brings a lot of change.

At this point, I've been here long enough that it's my own fault for not having fun.

What a difference a year makes.

Now, someone needs to come with me to celebrate.

Posted by Courtney at 01:19 PM | Comments (5)

June 26, 2005

Pikkkk.

This week in pictures.

Featuring, my IsleOne Player's card, fast food drink cups, the Town Topic countertop, my mammoth little toe blister, La Mesa, TGI Friday's, and dark pictures of Charles and Jason.

Posted by Courtney at 10:17 PM | Comments (0)

June 25, 2005

Bathwater

I should be at a birthday party right now, but alas, I feel like poop and will be in bed soon. Sorry Raysa :( So, to tide over for now I present:

My greatest failures in life, thus far.

-Having to go to summer school to graduate high school
-Never having purchased a Pink Floyd album, namely Dark Side of the Moon.
-Dropping out from Satellite at Tulsa World
-Not being able to memorize all the lyrics to "It's the End of the World as we Know it"
-Never telling Bryan DeBaets I was in *love* with him.
-Not going to OU.
-Being made an example of my first day of first grade for not coloring inside the lines. It still hurts god dammit!

Posted by Courtney at 11:14 PM | Comments (3)

A tie-dyed dress, she was a psychedelic mess

So, who got a 4% raise?

Me me me me me!

Booyah.

Now...I have this issue where I am consistently disappointed by people and what those people (don't) bring into my life. It happens so frequently that it has to be me and nothing of their doing, but what is it about me that causes this? What am I hoping for that always fails? Where are the false expecations and why are they there?

I'm sick of the disappointment and the heartbreak of forging and forgetting friendships. Where do I have to move next to find what I'm really looking for? What do I have to say, do, to stop people from assuming I have to be coddled every step of the way. What do I have to do to make myself believe the same?

I bought Girl, Interrupted and the Foxfire dvds last week. That gives me like 10% more lesbianism right?

will you miss me my dear
and my wild wild hair

maybe love is underwater
and i am caught on the rocks
i am not your enemy's daughter
i see your mind it blocks

take me through
the pot-luck romance
drug me up on cardboard wine
come undress me
call me someone else's name

we could fuck to wheel of fortune
be the Vanna feminists
dress me up in sparkly skins
you could be the prince of it

will you miss me my dear
and my wild wild hair

sorrys are like promises
they get bigger every time
they grow like weeds and laundry
and they infect my mind

we talk hotels
we talk whiskey
under water
over thinking

we could be the wind
we could be the wheels
we could jump right in
we could be the fields

there's a well inside of me
throw a penny in
and watch me cry
i was raised on a dead end street
and the only end is Goodbye

will you miss me my dear
and my wild wild hair

Posted by Courtney at 06:47 PM | Comments (0)

June 22, 2005

Amazed.

Recently, I challenged a friend who I had never hung out with solo. The goal? Show me something amazing.

Well, after watching the ending of a hockey game we set out on our adventure. After a quick chocolate milk stop, we were heading north for some park with the word water in it. We stood on benches, I chased fireflies, we had our picture downloaded for our security by some surly tree, and we walked what I'm convinced is the tallest hill in the area. There was some great scenery, even through the darkness, as long as you discount the guy trying to get head in the Isuzu.

We detoured from there all around downtown, particularly to watch security guards kick some sleeping bum awake. Found a place to park, and ended up at what turned out to be the best bar I've gone to so far, The Phoenix. Caught some great music, especially from a guy who sounded just like my one true love, Sinatra. I drank water, we watched the Spurs lose, and we moved on.

So, as we were driving along and talking about random things, the numerous things I hadn't done yet popped up in conversation...what else haven't I done? Well...a strip club for one. Enter the Shady Lady. Lemme tell you, free boobies are good boobies. I never could be talked into a lap dance or going up to give one of the girls a dollar though.

Finally, we've had our fill of the tits and need to fit in some more sin, so we head for something else I've never done, a casino. We head for Isle of Capri. I get my own special card for proof, but I just decide to stand and watch Charles' money float away on blackjack. The slots looked fun though. After he's lost enough, we head out to take me back to the AMF to get my car around 1. But no...I want food.

So, it's time for some ABC it's as easy as 1-2-3 and Ring of Fire while we wait at Town Topic for our breakfast.

2am rolls around and I'm finally back in Overland Park and at my car.

I roll the windows down, turn up the Pearl Jam, and proceed to race the king of amazement to the 435 on ramp.

I am now home, not sleepy and giggling everytime I look down at my Chillywilly pajama pants. Tomorrow is going to fucking suck.

Cliff notes version: I went to a park and stood on a bench. I went to a bar and didn't drink. I went to a strip club and didn't get a lapdance. I went to a casino and didn't gamble. I went to Town Topic and had the scrambled eggs. I definitely had some level of amazement. Courtney go night night now.

Posted by Courtney at 02:46 AM | Comments (1)

June 20, 2005

Perfect self.

There are some people in our lives, who no matter of circumstance, no matter of joy, no matter of anger, and no matter of the way items are left who will impact you to a point of introspection. They will cause you to think, and to think hard. They will create a new layer on which you project. They will clarify your understanding of them, yourselves and the world you both shared. These people are merely mortal and are your equals in every sense, no matter how inadequate in their wake you feel. The only difference?

My life was the one that was changed, by the way she changed her own.

365 days may have passed, but not a day goes by that I do not remember, or think on life...or of Rachael.


Posted by Courtney at 01:23 PM | Comments (2)

June 19, 2005

öngyilkos vasárnap

This past week in pictures featuring my OMAfied desk, speckled cleavage, a department store bathroom, and my fortune cookie ray of hope saying "It can't rain all the time."

Now let me explain the bathroom picture thing. I have a bad back. I have a very bad back. It is all lopsided and my spine is curved and my hips aren't even and on top of that I'm overweight and have a really high arch in my feet. When I work at the department store on the weekends I work 9:45 to 6 on Saturday with a one hour lunch break, and I work 10:45 to 6 on Sunday, with a 30 minute lunch break. Those breaks are the only time I even have a chance to sit down.

Now, the pain of standing isn't causing me to throw up like it did the first weekend, however, it does still make my stomach very upset. But it stings more than anything and I really just need to get off my feet every once in awhile so I don't just fall on the ground crying like the fucking whining baby that I am. That's where the bathroom comes in handy. It's the only place where we can sit down, and it's the only place where I can take off my shoes. So I have learned the meaning of a well placed bathroom break, and a few well placed toilet seat covers when you really don't have to pee, just rest awhile.

Now that you know entirely too much about my weekend days, I'm going to go to sleep.

Hmm...maybe my fazed webcam pic will come back soon. Hmm...

Posted by Courtney at 11:52 PM | Comments (1)

June 12, 2005

That was totally wicked!

This past week in pictures.

So I got my first check from Department Store O'Doom for actual work there. I have a pretty little blue check for $118 for 14.5 hours of work. Not a lot, but not bad. And that's a short week for me there; most of my checks will be for 24.5 hours of work. It really doesn't seem like a lot of money, but I did the math on a full year of working there and it works out to around 11,500. Add that to what I'm making elsewhere, and we've got over 37,000. And if I work my ass off selling to people until the end of the month, there's a chance I can up my pay there 90 cents an hour. It's no easy task, but it is certainly possible.

However, I have lots of things that I need to have extra money for, like paying my grandma back $1000 for the downpayment on my car, the aformentioned expensive tag, money for all the fucking cute clothes we sell that I want, money to see mountains, money to see oceans, money to see friends get married, money for "future unplanned experiences" for Keaton and I, be they in Tulsa or Aruba and the occasional $200 to throw myself out of a plane.

NOW ELSEWHERE IN MY LIFE...

I spent the weekend getting in a lot of quality time with rarely seen friends. Bryan (from Austin), Jory and Ben (from Minneapolis) by way of Steve (from Ames) came to spend a weekend with Alex and Victoria. Bryan demanded I show up at Casa de Leigh as soon as I got off work Friday night, so off I went in the rain to pet him in their floor and wait for the boys to arrive.

There was lots of hugging, and then some poi spinning by Victoria and Bryan. And then lots of fear when Alex lit his staff on fire and spun it around. It's extremely soothing and entertaining to watch (and hear), but I was way too skittish to take up Alex's offer of a Poi Primer. We hung out for awhile longer before I took Bryan and Jory out at 2am to look for ice cream. This is where things got weird.

The rest of the night involved Jory driving my car through the Taco Bell drive thru asking for a DQ Oreo Blizzard (on purpose) and of Bryan talking me into pressing my boobs up against the frost of an ice cream freezer in a Price Chopper. I ate my ice cream back at Alex's and made it home around 3am very very sleepy.

I joined them again Saturday after work for another splendid Alex meal of steak, corn, rice, rolls, and potato salad. In keeping with the tradition of my dinners with Alex, I had to try potato salad for the first time. Victoria described it as mustard based, which definitely attributed to my iffyness of the item, but it was "okay" and I would probably "eat again" but there was definitely no "A++++" to it. So it goes.

I got to spend more quality french fry time with Jory, Ben and Steve at Denny's around 1am after watching the Incredibles. I love those boys. I've really been missing out.

And aside from working 3 quick hours and totally forgetting about the Dick Dale concert tonight (Sorry Jason! I really wanted to go!!! and dance ;) but I didn't remember until 8:30), I've spent all day in bed with Keaton watching tv and cuddling. Speaking of watching tv and cuddling in bed with the Greatest Boy Ever, I think it's time for more.

I just realized this really had no point, but alas, such is my life. <3

Posted by Courtney at 11:17 PM | Comments (2)

June 11, 2005

sherbet.

jory at 2am = crazy

Posted by Courtney at 03:32 AM | Comments (1)

June 08, 2005

Grr...

So the tag for my car is gonna cost $1227. Fuck Kansas. Fuck sales tax.

*sigh*

It upset me and clouded my judgement so much I ended up buying the new Papa Roach cd. Pfft.

Posted by Courtney at 12:57 PM | Comments (7)

June 07, 2005

Finally, an answer.

After years of research, I have finally determined that Got Me Wrong is the best rock song of the 90s.

Posted by Courtney at 10:11 PM | Comments (0)

June 05, 2005

Pain.

Has a part of your body ever hurt so much that you started shaking uncontrollably and threw up violently?

Apparently it's going to take my feet awhile to get used to this standing for 7 hours on the weekends. And it is very unfortunate that I'm at the front of the store and the nearest bathroom is at the very back.

:/

I came home a big ugly crying ball of soreness and idignation. I think I can do fine on the week days when I'm only there for 3 hours. This weekend stuff though, I really don't know about it. The $65 I made today before taxes was not worth the pain of heaving the lack of food I had into one of 6 stalls in a department store restroom.

Hmm...eventually I'll get used to standing right? Especially since I'm not going to be doing it 8 (or 10 like the good ole days) hours a day, I should be able to stand it. My back is all sorts of zig zaggy and my knees like to pop consistently, if I had the money for the orthopedic doctor that I need to see, he might say this is a bad idea.

Maybe it's my own damn fault for taking the first part time job I thought of. Also, it's my own damn fault for not finding a way to end that sentence in something other than a preposition.

Fuck it, I need some new shoes. Ones made for standing. I need this money.

*Also, Keaton gets like x2 points for hugging me and rubbing my feet tonight. You know that's how he got me right? Our first date, he picked me up, and wanted something to drink, so we stopped by Sonic and while we waited for the drink I sat with my back against his truck door and with my feet in his lap. I don't know what girl wouldn't put out on the first date after that. I think that was also the last time he rubbed my feet :/

Now, in other news, a large gigantic supernormous group of us went to Tasso's last night. It's this really cool greek restauarant with hot waiters doing authentic greek dancing and a hot chick bellydancing and nasty blue shots and annoying drunk 40 year old white guys who try to dance with ex sorority girls. The food was great , and as always, it was great company. Now, if only I could get this need for Greek music out of my head. I loved it.

Posted by Courtney at 09:31 PM | Comments (0)

June 03, 2005

When I go fishing for the words.

My life is like a Cake song. Totally.

Posted by Courtney at 01:01 PM | Comments (1)