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February 27, 2005

I'd like to thank the academy...

First off, Hitch was completely hilarious. Almost as good as the 45 minutes Keaton and I spent at Roma beforehand talking about Green Day and the Gilmore Girls over coffee.

I think my body is still trying to get over the 16 hours of sleep it took in on friday night/saturday morning. I just up and decided to lay in bed and watch tv at 6:30 Friday while I waited on Keaton to get home. He woke me up at various times to feed me, and make me get out of my work clothes and take birth control, and again when he left for work the next morning, but aside from that...I was out. Maybe it was just the final of all sickness leaving my body. I needed to recharge or something.

Such a long amount of sleep leads to some weird dreams. I won't say I lucid dream, because those people seem to be way into it, but I can always talk to myself in my dreams and tell myself it's a dream. And the times I can do that is when I tend to remember them as a more of a memory.

In an effort to not retype everything, I'll just paste what I posted yesterday in the Random Thoughts thread on Fazed.

I have dreams 2 or 3 nights a week where this guy I'm close friends with kills me. Like, not accidentally but brutally and sadistically. It repeated itself again last night.

And I have this other dream that recurs every few months where I watch this guy run from the cops then kill himself. I remember I had already been killed, but I was still running with this guy, and I ran off and one of the cops came after me, and I told him, I've seen this before, he's going to kill himself and I'm going to hide from the blood.

Then I end up in this world where alive people can still see some dead people. There's this guy I used to work with that's there and somehow he'd been killed the same day I had by an odd explosion. And we were both stuck in this weird world where we were dead, but everyone in the house alive or dead could see and talk with us. Chevy Chase was there and kept pointing a gun at me and then I would start crying, even though I was already dead. Then boy from past work that was also dead and I totally had hot dead people sex. Oh yeah.

Then after Keaton woke me up to say goodbye yesterday morning I had a dream we moved to dallas and I was driving around downtown kinda lost, when I came up to a parking lot with this guy and a bunch of kids holding hands. I pulled over and walked up to one of the kids and held his hand and the guy counted to 3. We all jumped...the parking lot had just been cemented. So we were leaving foot prints and hand prints and writing stuff everywhere in it.

It was interesting.

One of the things I started doing since I turned 18 was to buy myself a new outfit for my birthday. I buy clothes at such random times, but only recently have I looked at how my wardrobe changed and noticed everything in it is either Banana Republic, American Eagle or Old Navy. So in a throw back to when I was 13 and half of everything I had to wear my first year of junior high had a CK stamped somewhere on it, I purchased this shirt (not the sweater over it) and these jeans. But I really doubt any of you cared about my shopping experience.

I actually bought the jeans at The Jones Store here, but I went to both Jones Stores I was willing to drive too, and they didn't have the shirt in blue in the size I needed to be able to button it over my tits. So I just came home defeated and ordered the shirt from macys.com. Apparently macys.com is doing inventory so they don't know when they'll ship it. I'm more excited about the shirt I bought Keaton though. This just has hot written all over it. How I miss the days when he was forced to wear dress shirts.

Other than that, once midnight hits we'll be down to 12 days.

As shitty as occasional people are, it's amazing how loved I am by so many people. After running over the list, after having people buy plane tickets for them to see me, for me to see them, after having people rearrange work schedules and school schedules just to be near me, and after having people work in secrecy for them all to be convinced I'm somehow worth however much money they're each having to contribute I am honestly amazed and humbled at how many people truly consider me a friend. I love you all so much. I just want to tell you now, because I'll probably be too slobering drunk to actually form the words when I do see you all.

And besides, everyone loves an attention whore.

Posted by Courtney at 11:13 PM | Comments (0)

February 26, 2005

As the aim turns.

So, I messaged Travis, who I assumed was still my friend after I'd known him for oh, 6 years now, and he's Keaton's best friend and I used to live with him and all...

digitalblarjuice: omg
muadibxxxr7: ?
digitalblarjuice: i turn 21 in 2 weeeeeeeks
muadibxxxr7: when are you and keaton gonna get married
digitalblarjuice: when I know if I didn't have him I would be able to survive on my own.
digitalblarjuice: Separate but equal.
digitalblarjuice: but we've always said after we've been together for a full 7 years.
digitalblarjuice: which we're halfway through with as of a couple weeks ago.
digitalblarjuice: but honestly, the only reason we have to get married is so he could tell my parents to fuck off if i suddenly found myself like a vegetable.
muadibxxxr7: lol
digitalblarjuice: our taxes would go through the roof and shit. i hate the personal property tax up here.
muadibxxr7: haha ouchb
muadibxxr7: but ya get good refunds
digitalblarjuice: I don't get any refund.

And at that point in the conversation I get a message from his wife. Now, his wife and I don't get along. She wrangled him into getting married when he left for the Air Force because she needed health insurance, she lived off of his money when she wouldn't get a job, his parents let her live with them while he was at basic and all she could do was write entries in her xanga about what a horrible bitch his mom was and accuse her of stealing...and I never said a thing to him. Not to mention everytime they fight she mentions getting a divorce on her xanga But here's what she sent me.

Airmanswife xxx: quit talking to my husband. He doesn't like you
Airmanswife xxx: and if you ever talk to him again I will come to where you live and kick your ass myself

So I just messaged travis back...

digitalblarjuice: obviously i need to stop talking to you now.
digitalblarjuice: goodbye trav.
digitalblarjuice: and if you really didn't like me, all you had to do was say so.

And now, I'm just going to sit here and cry for awhile.

*Please note, Travis opposes this entry. It was his idea for them to get married, and he says his wife can post any opinion of whomever she choses on her xanga. As can I. So, he is also taking up for her on her calling his mom a bitch and a thief. Also, he said it was not my place to give everyone a way to contact her, so I changed the numbers in her aim name. However, you can not tell me I can not link to her site, because it is linked from so many other places. I can not however use libel in linking it. "Her Xanga" does not constitute a defamatory statement, and therefore, the link shall stay. It's not like anyone coming from here would be stupid enough to act as immature as Carrie does and message her and threaten to go kick her ass. That's not how I roll, kid.

I could use
A shot
Your novacaine
My soul's a fuse
Blows away your name

Then you can be the remedy
And I can be the enemy
And he can go and live as nothing
They you can be the wanna be
And I can be the remedy
And he can go to hell for all I care

Say this world is not so shallow
When you can't beg steal or borrow
Save your breath your soul is hollow
And it's all too much to swallow

Take this souvenir
They can't deny you were here
This scar always there
To medicate your fear

Posted by Courtney at 04:01 PM | Comments (1)

February 25, 2005

Rawr..er...

I just need you all to know...it's an amazingly beautiful day today.

The only thing that could make it better would be cheesecake.

<3

Posted by Courtney at 12:32 PM | Comments (3)

February 24, 2005

red fox to blue eagle.

Bob and Magog are such bitches.

Boredom. I'm wearing bunny ears. Recognize, bitch.

Posted by Courtney at 10:23 PM | Comments (1)

February 21, 2005

Looking glass.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel like the Red Queen?

Posted by Courtney at 07:03 PM | Comments (0)

February 18, 2005

Cells.

I decided to change the title since I've lost my obsession for The District Sleeps Alone Tonight for the song Cells by The Servant.

I'm blown away by their cd. It's kind of typical, but at the same time it's absolutely different from all these random rock/noise effect bands, mainly lyrically. The song Cells is widely being heard here in the states instrumentally as the backing music to the Sin City trailer, which unfortunately is where I found them.

I can not say enough good things about this band. Especially since for the longest time the only way I could listen to the music though real player off their website. REAL PLAYER. I USED IT TO LISTEN TO THEM. I LIKE THEM THAT MUCH.

I love this, love this, love this. And since I've been so overboard with the lyrics lately, I'll put them in the extended portion of the post so you don't have to stare at them, but seriously, go to THE SERVANT'S WEBSITE and listen to the song cells and read through them. Please?

Mundanity of life, I salute you.

CELLS

It'll all click when the mortgage clears
All our fears will disappear
Now you go to bed
I'm staying here
I've got another level that I want to clear
My skin feels like orange peel
My eyes have been vacuum-sealed
My organs move like a squirm of eels
We should be more adventurous with our meals
They annoy me those who employ me
They could destroy me
They should enjoy me
We eat chinese off our knees
And look for each other in the TV screen

The sun goes up and the sun goes down
I drag myself into the town
All I do I want to do with you
Everyday I'm at my desk
At my desk I'm like the rest
All I do I want to do with you

On the city's skin they move on mass
Like a rash on the back of a manky cat
Now in I go like a fool
I can't resist dipping in the pool
I watch them watch me I watch them too
Across the street across the room
I dress myself like a charcoal sketch
My eyes are brown and my hair's a mess
They annoy me those who employ me
They could destroy me
They should enjoy me
We eat chinese off our knees
And look for each other in the TV screen

The sun goes up and the sun goes down
I drag myself into the town
All I do I want to do with you
Everyday I'm at my desk
At my desk I'm like the rest
All I do I want to do with you
The sun goes up..

The cells I am at the moment will soon die
But I will be here
Oh I'll still be here
The cells I am at the moment will soon die
But I will be here
Oh I'll still be here

The sun goes up…

Everyday everyday everyday...

Posted by Courtney at 06:03 PM | Comments (1)

FRIDAAAAAY

So, am I the only one that has this complete and large cloud of TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME following them around today, or has it spread?

digitalblarjuice: There is a big cloud
It is totally awesome
And it surrounds me.
BlinkenLts: hahahaha
BlinkenLts: That's an awesome haiku

Posted by Courtney at 12:13 PM | Comments (0)

February 16, 2005

4.5 ninjas out of 5 agree.

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I'm coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking a drag
Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his-chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go

I just can't look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibi
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
'Cause I'm Mr Brightside

I never...
I never...
I never...

Posted by Courtney at 05:42 PM | Comments (0)

February 15, 2005

Suspense!

I want to know wtf is up for my birthday so badly!

I mean...I think I know...but...I'm not sure.

OH GOD I HATE THE SUSPENSE!

And how in the hell do I know 18 people?

Posted by Courtney at 10:18 PM | Comments (0)

February 14, 2005

my lover stands on golden sands

Steven Johnson, you're my hero, you made my day. <3

So tonight, for the first time, I drove far enough north on 35 at night to see the way downtown looks at night. I did this all by myself, and loved it. I adore the way tall buildings and lights in a distance look. It's amazing that it took this long for me to have a reason to drive myself up that way. I was so enthralled that I even ended up exiting incorrectly and getting lost momentarily. Only by a lucky dead end did I actually end up on Rainbow Blvd, then I somehow dodged a couple construction workers and a flatbed to beat Jason into the parking lot.

So tonight marks the new journey. I'm not so afraid of the city and I finally fucking beat Jason somewhere.

Posted by Courtney at 11:36 PM | Comments (3)

Massacre.

So today's a holiday eh?

I've been blessed with a wonderful person to share the past 3 and half years of my life with who also has been right with me in the non-celebration of Valentine's Day.

We spend stupid amounts of money on each other weekly. We go out to dinner together weekly. We spend time just talking to each other and just paying attention to each other daily. We spend every night sleeping next to each other and waking up every morning next to each other. We have no need for an unsubstantiated holiday to show our love for one another. We're completely stupid over one another and do it constantly.

You suckers have fun spending too much on a main course and some roses. I'll be having pizza with Jason and then coming home for some hot kinky Paper Mario action. Keaton can get all the WoW action he wants in. Letting the boy game his night away while I play my game, now that's love.

And if he's lucky, I might swallow.

Posted by Courtney at 12:35 AM | Comments (2)

February 12, 2005

Shame.

The only thing I am ashamed of is that when it comes down to it, I'm just like every other silly girl.

And on that note, I just squealed, because the One Tree Hill tour will be coming to Lawrence just 2 days after my birthday! Monday, March 14 at Liberty Hall. The Wreckers (Michelle Branch & Jessica Harp) and Tyler Hilton is what is listed on pollstar.com. The press release I read about it said that the girl who plays Hayley, Bethany Joy Lenz, will also be on the tour.

I doubt I can convince anyone to go with me though, and since I'll be leaving for Austin a couple days later I'll probably need to save my money...but if anyone really loves me, and if anyone is even slightly interested in going and seeing the real tour that Hayley left Nathan for this past Tuesday night*, please please please let me know!

*as a side note, Tuesday night I totally hid in the opposite corner of the couch from Keaton with my legs crossed so he couldn't see that I was crying when Nathan came home to find the plastic bead bracelet he gave Hayley on the table and her sister telling him she had left. Such a girl, this one!

Speaking of girly music issues, I had to turn down a ticket to the Tegan and Sara concert tonight due to still being sick :( It's cold and dreary and finding my way to the Madrid theater and trying to be in decent shape wasn't in the cards. Hope Raysa's having a great time though.

Hopefully this will clear up before my girls weekend. Megan and Emily should be arriving Friday night to spend some time with me.

Someone, please send apple juice and potato soup.

Posted by Courtney at 04:49 PM | Comments (0)

February 08, 2005

Meh Meh Meh

There's inches of snow on the ground and my throat looks dead and my whole body aches.

Looks like it's a steady diet of vitamin c, echinacea, and tylenol flu for tonight.

No mardi gras macings for me :(

Posted by Courtney at 08:16 PM | Comments (3)

February 06, 2005

34.

Plane tickets to Austin for March 16th through 21st. - CHECK.
$235 to go skydiving and get my jump on dvd - not quite.

One. Step. Closer.

It's amazing. I wish it wasn't so soon. I don't know how the next 20 years could be better or more fulfilling than the last.

I have the most wonderful friends who drag me on the most wonderful adventures. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Posted by Courtney at 04:48 PM | Comments (1)

Sha Zooob

A pop culture event that I never thought would come to pass in my lifetime has occured. Cathy has gotten married.

And somewhere Gloria Steinem is sighing.

In other news, Keaton is getting a huge kick out of me playing Paper Mario. I'm totally enthralled by it. Since he's constantly playing WoW, and I'm constantly, well not, I had to find something to do with my time other than just sit here next to him. If only you could have seen how proud he was when I told him I'd spent my day leveling Mario up. I've only got 5 hours logged of it so far and I've got the first Crystal Star, because well, I'm a complete idiot who keeps falling off platforms, but I'm going to be disappointed when it ends. Must fight the geekyness to delve farther into this game thing!

I think I've done a good job of staying away from it. Aside from my obsession with the Mother 1, 2/Earthbound games, I was never into the turn based games.

Speaking of, I'm getting back into desperately wanting an SNES and a copy of Earthbound again...which I know my sister has. I must remember to bring an extra bag to steal Bryan's SNES when I go to Austin.

Posted by Courtney at 01:59 AM | Comments (0)

February 04, 2005

You said, 'My life's like a bad movie,'

Ok...now this may be crazy. Maybe.

But what if...seriously, just think about this for a second...

What if the only thing that's changed in the last 50, 100, whatever years is our personal sense of entitlement? And from such was everything else.

Could it be so simple?


Minus the Bear - Get Me Naked 2: Electric Boogaloo

Try to get some rest,
count backward from ten.
You've gone too long without sleep
I know you won't rest stressed, so give up, just give up.
And don't say no to pills,
Ativan won't kill.
You said, 'My life's like a bad movie,'
And I said, 'It's true of all us.'
You said, you said, 'I've got to wake up so fucking early,'
And I said, 'Maybe the directors turned on us.'
Outside the five sounds like the ocean,
relax, don't keep your eyes open.
Don't look at the clock,
your brain will never stop.
You said, 'My life's like a bad movie,'
And I said, 'That's true of all us.'
You said, you said, 'I've got to wake up so fucking early,'
And I said, 'Maybe the directors turned on us.'
Don't say no to pills,
Ativan won't kill.

Posted by Courtney at 07:29 PM | Comments (0)

February 03, 2005

Am I retarded or am I just overjoyed

Believe all the hype, the new Green Day cd is totally fucking awesome.

/afk reading Barrel Fever & playing Paper Mario.

It's amazing the kinda stuff you can buy when you're such an awesome employee your company hands you a couple gift certificates.

Posted by Courtney at 09:27 PM | Comments (1)

February 01, 2005

SON OF FUCK YOU

So, last year on January 29th I made a fuck you list. A list of people who I regularly talk to and have an impact in my life. The Fuck you portions were meant to just draw attention. In reality, the whole ordeal was just a way to show my true affections. Here, a year and some change later, is the update. Few people have fallen off. And I have added no new ones on. Maybe I'll go through and add the new kids later.

*Note- This is not offensive in any way. I love you all. And you all made a positive impact somewhere.

First off...
FUCK ABBY for being a beautiful human being and an open heart. You are always the first person I am honest with, moreso than myself, no matter the consequence, which has sometimes proven dangerous.

FUCK ADAM for making me accountable and making me a better person and for being so important to me. And for convincing me to move 250 miles away by always asking when I'm going to move. And for making me second guess the decision by always asking when I'm leaving. Fuck you. I'm here. I'm not leaving. I love you and everyone here and it's the best, if not craziest decision I've ever made. Thank you.

FUCK AJ for making the music that I obsess over, and for getting to travel the world doing it. If you ever need a Ho you know where to go.

FUCK ALEX and the postfin psychobabble and for the insanity and for the fucking CNN.com messes that haunt my true love for AP style and structure. When it gets warm, your ass is going down in badmitton.

FUCK ABUCK for all the horizons he has broadened, and all the doors he has closed. I finally have all those Wannadies cds and they suck, but I'm always on the hunt for the next big thing.

FUCK ANDY for having the handcuffs and the night stick. And for being that crazy internet guy who would drive any length of miles to be a friend. Your sacrifices have not gone unnoticed and I would do anything for you and Rebecca. You were one of the most amazing suprises to come from an online lifestyle. Our couch is always open.

FUCK BEN for everything that never was. And everything that will never be. You were the major learning experience.

FUCK BRYAN for leaving for Austin. You deserve better than a blonde in a sweater, understand that. I miss you constantly every day. Little do you know I have a collection of Marty Robbins music I keep around just for those moments. There's no better road trip partner. No one better to sit at Wendy's with, and no one else I'd want to bring near me to live as much as you.

FUCK DANA for being the partner in crime. For not being able to teach me the wonderful laid back ways. For constantly putting new ideas in my head, and for us to constantly fall through with plans. It's amazing 4 years ago I had LIKE OMG SUCH A CRUSH! on you. You're one of the most open guys I've known, even if you are a loving drunk.

FUCK DAREN for being so far away and fuck me for not trying to stay in touch with him. And for us both being so shallow about the whole thing. What the fuck happened to us Daren? There was one summer that life was amazing and you were a part of that. Good luck love.

FUCK ERIC (SATAN) for all the God Damn HARRRRRRRRRRRR and late night death metal trivia. I should have walked you into the airport that last day. I fully intended to. I never knew you would be such the AWESOME MOTHERFUCKER that you are. I can't wait to see you again man, more people have to experience your presence of awesome.Woo Rotting Christ!

FUCK JASON BUDGE for being the one with the secrets. I miss the days when they were shared with me. Don't ever doubt that I still care and worry about you, even if I sometimes don't put it into such nice words.

FUCK JASON VON NIEDA for giving me the chance to change our friendship into something awesome. You were the biggest suprise in moving to KC. You always amaze me with your projects and you always make the perfect lunch date. You make being a friend easy. I wish it was always as easy and always as respectful. Thanks for always wanting to be there.

FUCK JORDAN because somewhere under there you're good enough, smart enough, and...wait. FUCK YOU for the music, FUCK YOU for the words, FUCK YOU for the jail time and FUCK YOU for the 6am insanity. AND FUCK YOU FOR STEALING MAH AUSSIE BITCH.

FUCK JORY because I would like to. And because I'm sorry I haven't sent you any clothes yet. I'm ashamed.

FUCK JOSH for making me want to read about something worthwhile for once and for having the hottest most awesome redheaded wife around. Fuck you for also making me want to read comic books and want to look deeper into every issue. And for making me afraid of anything involving the word "riot"

FUCK MIKEY for reasons you will never know but always should assume. You are the sweetest boy in the world. And you always will be. You build me up buttercup.

FUCK NICK for the guilt trip and the 3:30 am phone call. I promise. I will see you again someday soon. We always have a good time talking, even if we don't do it often enough.

FUCK PHILIPPE for letting me treat you like shit most of the time. I'm sorry. My joking never seems to stop. And how's that beautiful baby girl? You dirty canuck.

FUCK RICH for moving to AZ and taking my Tracy away. And then knocking her up again.

FUCK RICHARD for being as cynical as I wish I could be. And for being a consistent pinnacle of personality. I really did miss you all the time you were gone. Don't forget us.

FUCK ROBIN for being the hottest most awesome redheaded wife around. I'm sorry.

FUCK SCOTT for being here today and gone tomorrow. Only you can repair the damage we've done in treating our friendship like shit. Please. I'm broken unlike ever before without my drinking buddy.

FUCK STEPHEN for being Stephen all through these years, and for never giving me Gordon's number. AND for shaving the beard. AND FOR GETTING ENGAGED. NOW WHO'S GOING TO BE MY HERO IN PIMPING? Did you think about that?

FUCK STEVE because well, I like Steve. I would rescue Steve anywhere he ever needed it. Also, for giving the most awesome hugs.

FUCK TARA for being so far away, for being such a tease, and for being so fucking wonderful, and for no more yahoo nights. Take care of Jordan. He's a keeper.

FUCK TRACY for moving to AZ and taking my Rich away.

FUCK TRAVIS for always being my friend and my enemy and for having penny aim like a motherfucker. And for moving away and getting married and for me letting it all fall away. You were always the big brother I never had.

FUCK VICTORIA for being the picture of affinity. If only you could teach me how to wear makeup and heels I'd ask you to adopt me.


JUST FUCK YOU.

Posted by Courtney at 01:44 AM | Comments (8)

try to catch the deluge in a paper cup

I shouldn't be disgusted.

I shouldn't be upset.

I shouldn't feel hurt.

I shouldn't feel animosity.

My sense of logic clearly tells me to just let go, walk away, and ignore fucking bitches.

Fuck logic, and fuck you.

39 days kids.

Posted by Courtney at 12:01 AM | Comments (0)