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August 31, 2004

retort.

Dear Nathan and BJ aka Robert,

I have not forgiven either of you. I never will.

Thank you.

Posted by Courtney at 09:45 AM | Comments (0)

August 30, 2004

Clash

You know, if I had more paid time off, I would take today off and spend the next 2 hours dancing around my living room in my underwear to Julie's Been Working for the Drug Squad.

See also: The Cure - Boys Don't Cry and The Doors - Roadhouse Blues.

Posted by Courtney at 09:17 AM | Comments (0)

August 29, 2004

hint.

Ok, if you ever feel like making pina coladas at 10pm and your blender is on top of the back of your refridgerator, please, do not try to pull it down from the side with the mixing container still attached. This is even more important if it happens to be the old fashioned styled Osterizer with only one speed and the half inch thick glass container. If you do insist on pulling it down, please don't attempt to stop the glass container from falling to the ground with your face.

But dammit, I enjoyed my pina colada, it also helped when I held it against the swelling.

Posted by Courtney at 02:06 PM | Comments (0)

August 26, 2004

put the cobwebs back in place

Yes, once again I was being vague and weary. Fuck you, I don't care if you get annoyed by my vagueness anyways :)

So, I will officially be here 2 months tomorrow. Every day I wrestle back and forth over if this was right; over if I really have any business packing up house, job and boyfriend and starting over for no reason. 2 months. It's been a couple of the hardest two months I've ever had.

I'm separated from the friends I've held so very close for the past 20 years. It's not as hard as if we'd all stayed in Tahlequah and went to NSU together. Megan and Emily both moved off for college the first year. Sam went off into the Marines. DeBaets always had a girlfriend. Shannon had a new group of friends from working at NSU. Dana is probably the only person I've gotten closer to since leaving high school. Everyone else just disappeared, mainly because of me, mainly because of them. Mainly because we're young and stupid. Mainly.

My first trip back home was for Shannon's wedding. She was absolutely gorgeous and stunning and perfect. And I saw Nicki for the first time since graduation. I hadn't even been at her wedding. The last time that sort of thing happened was at Rachael's funeral. As Emily, Megan and I walked across the street for the reception it hit is. We're finally at the stage in our lives where we only see each other for the big stuff. We're wedding and funeral friends. Now they're all back at NSU together, except for DeBaets who is now a permanent resident of Kingsburg, CA, and I realize exactly how much I fucking miss them.

And we're not even going to get into my non school friends like Bryan Wann, now a resident of Austin, TX, and that Travis is doing the best thing ever and being in the military, or any of the other wonderful Fazed friends that are spread throughout the country. In short, I moved to a town where I knew 6 people, and even though I constantly try to keep myself busy, it sucks.

It's been hard, and I went crazy trying to replace them all with one person who I just treat like shit now for my own reasons. This is so hard. I really want to go home. I want to trade in my cavalier for something made in the late 80s, get a job at Wal-Mart, and go to NSU for education. But that's not who I am, and it's not who I want to be. My life shouldn't be held in a small town, a small college and an unusual attachment to the boy that took my virginity. Then again, at the same time it's really hard not to freak out and run.

The bills are piling up, however Keaton starts work Monday. I finally know my way around mostly. Megan and Emily have came and spent a weekend with us. Andy will be back out soon to do some preparations to try and move here. I still see plenty of the boys and never enough of them. And word is DeBaets will be visiting Oklahoma next month so I might be making another trip home.

Home. Tahlequah. Right now, that's still where my heart is. But I'll be damned if the rest of me doesn't try to have a good time in Kansas without it.

And just because I know he doesn't read it, I'll admit Scott has done more than just convince me a little that I should be here, right here, right now. Then again there's always the fact that Jason threatened to effectively "cut me off" if I left.

It hasn't been without it's awesome moments however. The song It's a Shame About Ray by The Lemonheads suddenly came on a local radio station. And even though I'm a lot homesick and a little bit bitchy, it all was perfect again.

I've never been too good with names.
The cellar door was open, I could never stay away.
I know it's prob'ly not my place.
It's either or, I'm hoping for a simple way to say.

It's a shame about Ray.
In the stone, under the dust,
his name is still engraved.
Some things need to go away.
It's a shame about Ray.

If I make it through today,
I'll know tomorrow not to leave my feelings out on display.
I'll put the cobwebs back in place.
I've never been to good with names,
but I remember faces.

Posted by Courtney at 10:51 PM | Comments (0)

August 25, 2004

answer.

i hate you because i love you

Posted by Courtney at 09:40 PM | Comments (0)

August 23, 2004

Candles.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADAM, YOU FUCKING OLD MAN.

<3.

Posted by Courtney at 09:26 AM | Comments (1)

Please note:

Yes, cities have fountains. They have statues. They have parks. They have big intricate buildings with neat glass.

Please also note, that people have cameras.

Please also be aware that I've seen all these things before. Please don't think I will care about your new refreshing take over a bronze animal over someone elses.

Anyone can buy a camera, anyone can take a picture, and anyone can walk around a big city. Now please, leave me the fuck alone.

Posted by Courtney at 04:25 AM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2004

change change change

From: effeminateSWANK is a pint-sized superhero
Date: 10/30/02 @ 12:18 PM 3

i'm sure i could find the money for a webcam somewhere, god knows it'd get overused.

From: effeminateSWANK is a pint-sized superhero
Date: 11/4/02 @ 1:20 AM 14

Ok, I have the webcam, now I just have to figure out what to do with it.


So much foreshadowing.

Posted by Courtney at 11:02 PM | Comments (0)

August 09, 2004

I'd offer you my hand but it would hurt too much to watch you die

I need a chance to breathe. I need a chance to learn. I get to go home soon and I don't know how that will be. It's been just over a month, but so much has changed. I can't wait.

Anything. Everything. Nothing.

Luckily, hopefully I can get courtneyporn up sometime soon. I need to put this camera to good use. And not like that you freaks.

I forgot how much I liked Saves the Day.


I called you up to see if maybe we could hang out
And I told you I was nervous and feeling lonely
But I bit my lip and you said yes
And I thought of how beautiful the night would be
And I thought maybe we could drive around talking about your town
Or we could just stay at home and I could win over acting cool just like real romance

Posted by Courtney at 10:21 PM | Comments (0)

August 04, 2004

step 1, recovery.

Sorry about the long previous post. After reading through it I realized there was a lot of stuff I missed. Oh well.

CONGRATULATIONS BRYAN! I now have a reason to visit Austin. I've missed Bryan so much since I've moved up here. I'm really happy he's moving to Austin. He's always wanted to live there and it sounds like he's got a good setup going for him there. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be telling this, but I'M PROUD!

Also, on the congratulatory boat is Shannon and Chris. Shannon is a wonderful friend that I've had for quite a few years now who I love exquisitely and next weekend she will be getting married in Tahlequah. I already took part of Friday off of work and I'll be getting paid that day so hopefully I'll be able to make it down and go. I'm so proud of her. She really has never been this happy and she's gone through some trials to get a great guy.

I'm unendlessly sleepy. I need to catch up. I've got a lot of life to come to terms with.

<3

Posted by Courtney at 10:19 PM | Comments (1)

FAZEDKC

Oh dear. Well start at the beginning and when you get to the end...stop.

Alice in Wonderland is such a great cartoon for quotes like that. I wonder if they're in the actual book...

I'm not sure where to begin, so let's start with the ending.

I miss Jory. Like really miss Jory. Like I want to get drunk and call him and tell him I want him to have my babies and call me Shaniqua for the rest of our lives miss Jory. That's a very inside thing. I miss everyone and all, but damn, do I get so fucking crawl under the covers sad when I think about Jory. I've waited so long to meet him and he was exactly everything I expected him to be, right down to him sitting on my lap and telling me he needed to puke...twice.

Wednesday night at Old Chicago with Abby, Andy, Jason, Adam, Scott and Keaton. --- Definitely fun time with a small group of close friends. Final plans and lots of kisses. Getting to spend time with Abby was much much needed. Then getting trashed with Abby and Scott. I'm not sure what ensued, but I believe I won. However, I will never make another grey goose/blue curacao/grenadine shot again. It was Hell.

Thursday--- I took off work early and met Andy, Abby, Keaton, Jason and a really cool guy Jason works with at Chipotle for lunch. After some observations about a softball team with the aforementioned coworker and true disgust due to trying to eat a burrito with a hangover Abby and I left to pickup Ryan/Hitokiri & Eric/Vibrio from the airport. I had never been to the airport before and the person I was supposed to be following up there (Hi Scotty!) nershed on me so Abby and I got some quick directions from Adam and headed on up.

I had never been to an airport before so Abby walked me around and explained to me the whole checking in process and the security and the terminal and baggage claim shit. Seems very easy and not nearly as stressful as I thought it was. We picked up our two buddies, and also hung around to welcome Josh and Robin and Anne. First time to meet all 3 of them and they were of course awesome.

We hurried back down to the plaza for some Buca de/di something. The food was okay, and it was super loud but I had some great conversations with people and got to see Jory devour approximately 3.7 times his body weight in chicken parmagiano. Spent plenty of time stuck between Josh and Robin, which I loved. They really are great. We walked around for awhile after that, then eventually landed in Robin/Josh & Jory/Anne's hotel rooms. I'm not sure how but at some point I ended up at home.

Friday--- Let me just start out by saying I work at the coolest place ever, and for what reason I can not reveal here, but it is without a doubt fucking awesome. After work I went home, grabbed some Rockstar for the Jory and headed up for the first night of debauchery at the Suite. I somehow made the mistake of not wearing a bra and letting girls on my lap. Atleast I ended up the most pure girl there sans JoLynn...atleast I think. So much shit happened that I only remember bits and pieces of conversations and hugs with people. I had a great time, and an even better time after I went to take some people back to their rooms and had more time to hang out with people at the Four Points. All I have to say is you all are some drama loving motherbitches at times. Atleast you're all entertaining. I finally ended up grabbing Ryan and Eric and bringing them back over here where Bryan and Keaton were coming and hanging out with everyone watching South Park.

Saturday--- I have never had as much fun being stupid as I did with the scavenger hunt. I ran all over with people acting stupid and even got to tell a guy that boxer briefs were better than freeballing when he had his baskin robbins in his hands. It was so much fun, and unfortunately I came up with the team name and team song which although incredibly lame still makes me laugh. I went home to shower and change afterwards and then came back to order some good KC Masterpiece with the Suite hold over crew. I read out all of our stuff for our team's portion of the scavenger hunt in the judging part of the night. It might not seem like much, but there was a semifazed gathering last summer around this time, and I was endlessly given shit for being so quiet afterwards. The change in a year is amazing. Unfortunately, we didn't win because JoLynn's team cheats. Afterwards it was just another nice night partying with friends and stealing most of Jory's poker earnings. He'll end up with something cool in the mail soon because of it though. I spent more time with Abby and got some great conversations in with Jen. And at some point I flashed Jay. I had said I was making out with no girls and showing no boobies and I broke it in the hallway in front of the suite for Jay.

I eventually took Abby, Jay and Jen back to their hotel then picked up Ryan and we headed to Denny's to talk and have some good mini burgers. It was a good night.

Sunday--- Had to say goodbye and take people to the airport. We once again met at Chipotle, Abby, Ryan, Jay, Duran, Andy, Adam, Keaton and I. We all went back to my house and captured some good pictures once Scott arrived with Anne and Jory. We eventually all loaded into Scott and my cars and headed to the airport. I dropped Duran, Abby and Jay off and headed all the way home by myself for once. I get home to where Andy, Ryan and Jason are just hanging out and sit and talk to them for a bit. I'm there for about 10 minutes before I get a call from Bryan.

Bryan, Steve, Alex and Victoria all went out riding and Steve and Bryan were broke down in Olathe. I searched forever to find them and eventually picked them up and took them back to Alex and Victoria's. Somewhere during this I got a call to tell me that Jay's flight had been cancelled and he was back at my apartment. Then I got another call to say Duran's flight had gotten cancelled as well and Keaton was back on his way to pick him up. Once again, an impromptu party.

After lots of irc, battlebots, and telephone updates the group of us decided to sit down for some Gigli. Let me tell you, pure comedy. It makes my penis sneeze. We decided to grill burgers and Jason brought over about 50 100 proof Jello shots. Once Scott got back from his parents we popped in Euro Trip so we could hear the Scotty doesn't Know song. Scott of course fell asleep. Hilarity of course ensued. And pictures were taken.

Finally, Jay and Scott left when the movie was over and we all went to bed here. Keaton got up and took the rest of the guys the next morning and I went to work. SO TIRED. After work, it was Napoleon Dynamite with Jenn, Jason, Keaton and Scott. It was absolutely hilarious, but not something I ever need to see again.

And that is all.

Thank you all, and thank you Adam. I love you all and I miss you all. Also, I'm offering cash rewards for a Jory delivery to my door. Plz email for more infoz.

Posted by Courtney at 02:16 AM | Comments (0)