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January 29, 2004

oh well.

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
CategoryYour Score Average
Self-Lovin'26.7%
When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself		 65%
Shamelessness23.8%
For Christ's sake, put your clothes on!		 79.3%
Sex Drive 18.4%
Humps fire hydrants when nobody's looking		77.7%
Straightness3.6%
Knows the other body type like a map		 44.8%
Gayness 10.7%
Makes Dr. Frank-n-Furter look tame		 83.5%
Fucking Sick67.3%
Dipped into depravity		 89.9%
You are 29.92% pure
Average Score: 72.6%
Posted by Courtney at 11:21 PM | Comments (1)

in a word.

*Note- This is not offensive in any way. I love you all. And you all made a positive impact somewhere.

First off...
FUCK ABBY for being a beautiful human being that inspires me to be a fraction of herself.

FUCK ADAM for making me accountable and making me a better person and for being so important to me.

FUCK AJ for making the music that I obsess over.

FUCK ALEX and the postfin psychobabble for constantly bringing out my paper fetish and for always making me wonder.

FUCK ABUCK and his curly hair for late late Victoria Beckham nights.

FUCK ANDY for having the handcuffs and the night stick.

FUCK BEN for everything that never was.

FUCK BRYAN and the rats and the dirty old man. You deserve better than a blonde in a sweater, understand that.

FUCK DANA for being the partner in crime.

FUCK DAREN for being so far away and fuck me for not trying to stay in touch with him.

FUCK DAVE and his piracy machine.

FUCK ERIC for never understanding what a wonderful, caring, smart, accomplished and awesome human being that he is.

FUCK ERIC (SATAN) for all the God Damn HARRRRRRRRRRRR and for his roommate sleeping 36 straight hours. FUCK WASP while we're at it. Go back to yanking it to Rotting Christ.

FUCK JASON BUDGE for being the one with the secrets. His own and everyone elses.

FUCK JASON VON NIEDA for being the one person I've never felt a decent friendship with. I must change that. AND FUCK YOU BECAUSE I SAID I WOULD. FUCK BEER.

FUCK JENNIFER. With reason.

FUCK JORDAN because somewhere under there you're good enough, smart enough, and...wait. FUCK YOU for the music, FUCK YOU for the words, FUCK YOU for the jail time and FUCK YOU for the 6am insanity. Move quickly.

FUCK JORY because I would like to.

FUCK JOSH for making me want to read about something worthwhile for once and for having the hottest most awesome redheaded wife around.

FUCK MIKEY for reasons you will never know but always should assume. You are the sweetest boy in the world.

FUCK MIRANDA because I was never the friend to you I should have been.

FUCK NICK for the guilt trip and the 3:30 am phone call.

FUCK PHILIPPE for never giving anything in return and for having a beautiful baby girl.

FUCK RICH for moving to AZ and taking my Tracy away.

FUCK RICHARD for being as cynical as I wish I could be.

FUCK ROBIN for being the hottest most awesome redheaded wife around.

FUCK SCOTT for being here today and gone tomorrow and for getting my complete trust and understanding. Go HARRRRRRRRRR yourself motherfucker.

FUCK SHAWN for doing the only thing I really want to do and being so great at it.

FUCK STEPHEN for being Stephen all through these years, and for never giving me Gordon's number. AND for shaving the beard.

FUCK STEVE because well, I like Steve.

FUCK TARA for being so far away, for being such a tease, and for being so fucking wonderful.

FUCK TRACY for moving to AZ and taking my Rich away.

FUCK TRAVIS for always being my friend and my enemy and for having penny aim like a motherfucker.

FUCK VICTORIA for being the woman who I long to be. Stilettos and all.

I'll add onto this later...but until then...everyone else.

JUST FUCK YOU.

Posted by Courtney at 02:04 AM | Comments (6)

January 25, 2004

how soon is now?

I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and heir
of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

I am the son
and the heir
of a shyness that is criminally vulgar
I am the son and the heir
of nothing in particular

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

There's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die

When you say it's gonna happen "now"
well, when exactly do you mean?
see I've already waited too long
and all my hope is gone

You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does


OMG Andy saw my boobies.

Posted by Courtney at 04:21 AM | Comments (0)

January 20, 2004

change is good

Posted by Courtney at 09:37 PM | Comments (0)

i don't like to cuddle.


Which Unwanted Sexual Gesture Are You?

Made by the fine folks at daylighttwilight.com

Posted by Courtney at 03:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 13, 2004

An Act of Existance

Kansas City-- Services for tessier.com, 10, of Kansas City, will be held at 1pm, Wednesday Jan. 14, 2004 at the Chiba Memorial Garden and City.

Serving as pallbearers will be: symposed.com, steveblock.com. binaryfury.wann.net, prenetic.com, and m-nus.org.

Honorary pallbearers will be: http://www.public.iastate.edu/~rosshm and lames.tessier.com

tessier passed from this life peacefully Monday Jan. 12, 2004 due to natural causes. tessier was born in 1994 to Colin Alexander Leigh of Kansas City, Missouri and grew up full of questions and perpetrating delight. Many looked towards tessier's daily rant or observation and found comfort when labeled one of "Those." tessier will be greatly missed by all those who knew it well.

tessier.com is survived by distortingreality.com and two bastard children, ashpool.com and configuredlight.com.

In lieu of flowers, donations of Crane stationary can be sent to the New World Order Foundation of Light.

Posted by Courtney at 08:06 PM | Comments (0)

January 12, 2004

letters.

If my c note does not arrive today, I will be heartbroken.

2 months or exactly 60 days till my birthday.

There's tentative plans for an Abby, an Adam, a Jason and a Scott to be descending upon my presence that weekend also.

This week brings a mass of changes at work which will keep me running busy all week. I will make no plans other than a lot of busyness at work and dinners with Keaton. Although, I must make an effort to find a) dentist b) optometrist and c) hairstylist this week. I can no longer go back down to Tahlequah for any of this, so I guess I should finish making Tulsa my home by getting doctors and people who I can trust my hair with in the area.

This weekend Keaton and Travis will be traveling for a stay with the aforementioned Scott for a weekend of debauchery in Kansas City. I hear there is plenty of 2 player video games and Old Chicago in their future. I assume more than a healthy handful of beer for Travis as well. I love Kansas City, it's a great beautiful town with some great beautiful friends. Once I get more adjusted, there will be many many more visits. They'll have to stop answering their phones and opening their doors to keep me away.

But alas, without Keaton, what's a girl to do? Well, invite over Megan, Emily, Shannon and Dana and have a get together of epic proportions seeing how hard it is for all of us to sync our schedules enough to be in the same room together. I honestly don't remember if there's been a time since graduation that we've all had the time to get together for a decent amount of time to talk and catch up and just watch movies. There will be proof of our under 21 insanity via webcam, either on yahoo or i might get webcam 32 up and running again...we'll see.

Massive h8 to abuck. Before Vail I got thrown on a Madonna kick. As soon as he returned it was really bad pop music by Victoria Beckham, that I really liked by the way. Now...it's all lounge and rat pack. How this boy sways my musical likeness so. He's almost as bad as Bentley James, if not worse at rehashing all the great music that I periodically forget.

It's 3am. I should go to bed. I have to wake in 4 hours.

I don't give a damn about you
No nothing can change my mind
No way
I'm happy just to let you walk away

Don't think about you at night
I'm happy to be alone
It's ok
But that was yesterday and now I'm

Driving in my car
Words don't get me far
When they told me (shhh)
Ooooooh!

[Chorus:]

I'm calling you at 3am and I'm
Standing here right outside your door
And I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
Cos' I don't think that my heart can take much more

I don't give a damn what you do
I'm gonna get with you
Again
And that's the way this night is gonna end
You said you need some time
How long does it take to see
That we are more than meant to be
And now you're driving in your car
But you won't get far
Cos' your car is (shhh)
Ooooooh!

[Chorus:]

I'm calling you at 3am and I'm
Standing here right outside your door
And I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
Cos' I don't think that my heart can take much more

Can take much more (echoes)
Can take much more (echoes)
Can take much more (echoes)

Driving in my car
Words don't get me far
When they tell me (shhh)
Ooooooh!

[Chorus:]

I'm calling you at 3am and I'm
Standing here right outside your door
And I don't think that my heart can take much more
I'm scared of cracking up again I just
Want it to be like it was before
Cos' I don't think that my heart can take much more

Posted by Courtney at 03:05 AM | Comments (0)

January 06, 2004

3 months.

Ok, I don't want this to be one of those "well a new year is upon us" posts. No, really, I don't, but that's how it's going to have to start.

A new year seems like a crazy thing to worry over, but three short months from now, I lose all excuse for stupidity. I will no longer be a teenger. I'll turn 20.

Now don't get me wrong, turning 20 is just 12 months shy of having a new excuse for stupidity, but still. I can still remember when I couldn't count as high as 20. Depending on the amount of small woodland animals around me, I still have trouble with it at times. But still people.

Really, what have I accomplished? I am loved, supported, and I pay my own bills. Sure, a credit check will show no credit history and I still have no license, but minor issues, right? I haven't started any schooling past high school, but I've been asked to help teach and write curriculums. I'm extremely fortunate that I can be the odd paradox of age I appear to be at times. I just wish any of it was somewhat normal.

I'm sure some of the hesitant crazyness I feel comes from always being the youngest in my friends. Sometimes it's just a few months, but in many cases, they've all got years on me. And thousands of dollars more a year.

You know, I don't even know what the fuck I'm ranting about anymore.

On another note, I've taken up letter writing to certain friends again. I never knew how much I missed making my hand cramp with a pen just to spell something wrong on paper.

Posted by Courtney at 03:28 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 02, 2004

...just breathe

Poor Jason. Welcome to the world of #fazed camwhoring. Your bald head will never be seen the same again.

Last night was interesting. After a slew of supposed plans, Keaton and I decided to spend our 3rd New Years together like any normal night, except with a little more Sprite Remix and Vodka. Personally, I was a lot happier to not really celebrate and sit at home than anything else. It provided a good time for some phone calls to good friends who celebrated equally.

I'd like to also thank Rich and Tracy for the thong shots. And Mikey, for well...being Mikey.

Mikey also did the sweetest thing today that anyone has done in a long time. While being in a car full of confused friends, the song Build Me Up Buttercup came on the radio. I <3 that song. So in the midst of everyone he called and left me a voicemail with about 30 seconds of just the song playing. That deserves to get him humped.

And if another person asks about resolutions, I will stab them. Just because you have to change one number on the dates you write doesn't mean you have to make a list of changes. If you're unhappy or want to better something, do it when you realize you need to better it. Resolutions, currently taking the spot of my most hated pseudofad, ripping the title straight out of the Atkin's Diet's hands.

I was sick today and slept this evening so maybe I can stay up and get more done on my cheap designer imposter Obscura. I should call it Equivoca. That and I need to fix my list of links on the side.

A real post, funny huh?

I brought you something close to me,
Left for something you see though your here.
You haunt my dreams
There's nothing to do but believe,
Just Believe.
Just Breathe.

Another day, just believe,
Another day, just breathe
Another day, just believe,
Another day. Just breathe.

I'm used to it by now.
Another day, just believe.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just breathe.
Lying in my bed,
Another day, staring at the ceiling.

Just breathe. Another day.
Another day, just believe.
Another day.
I'm used to it by now.
I'm used to it by now.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just breathe. Just believe.
Just believe. Just breathe.
Just believe.
Another day, just believe.
Another day.
Another day, just believe,
Another day, just breathe,
Another day (I do believe).
Another day(so hard to breathe)
Another day(not so hard to believe)
Another day. Another day.

Posted by Courtney at 01:17 AM | Comments (0)