October 20, 2003


dissolved girl

So many people complain about getting comfortable, about losing the new fun feeling. Then why do I get worried when after 2 years, not only have I never felt that things were just comfortable and easy and used, but I feel that it always feels newer. There's always something new and exciting in my life with Keaton popping up. Don't get me wrong, being with him is comfortable, but it's always fun. Maybe it's the fact that we're both so goofy and at times such extreme opposites. There is definitely some freedom in the way our opposite features react, like when my exact minute planning of a day just crashes due to his spontaneity. I never dislike him for it. There's a lot to be said for always finding a way to be happy in a situation. If there's one thing he's taught me, it's to never be high strung. The moment he detects it, it will embarrass me publically.

I can laugh at myself a lot more now. My perspectives on a lot of things have changed mainly because I just don't bother myself with worrying about anything I have no affect on. Life happens and I am just happening with it. When you're as uptight as I am/was, that really is a hard place to come to in realization. You struggle for control of every last inch of life, and for every piece you grab, you drop 10. I don't know what he's done, but he's calmed me down. He also made me sick this past week with whatever virus he had :(

There's something about him which makes me want to be just his all the time. No matter where I'm at, what I'm doing or who I'm with, I want to be his. I don't want to be looked at, talked to or touched by anyone but him. I want to be possessed as much as I am loved. Maybe this is why some friends who've always acted in a certain way have gotten really nasty remarks when they've smacked me on the ass or tried to throw things down my shirt lately. Those are his parts of me, and no one else should have the right to them. I don't want anyone else to have a right to me.

Now if only everyone around us would stop getting married, I'd be a happy girl. Rough estimates on that one are 4 years and 25 thousand dollars from now. A girl's gotta have goals.


Posted by Courtney at October 20, 2003 01:12 AM
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